What?

...is it?

The Phlogistician's Corner is a message board, but this is to undersell it somewhat. It's a message board subdivided into a variety of topic areas where you might find anything from an in-depth discussion of existentialism to a painfully pretentious poem to the staggeringly immature ramblings of some hormonal little adolescent to outright provocation and vicious flaming to... whatever contribution you wish to make.

...is it all about?

It's about free speech, plain text and plain speaking. You'll find moderation and immoderation here, but you won't find a moderator. Nothing is censored; you can say exactly what you feel like saying in exactly the terms you want. But be warned: if you post provocatively or offensively you may not be handled gently. In fact, there's a very good chance you won't be handled gently even if you post nothing but sweet little fondnesses and polite pleasantries. It's that sort of site. The clue is in the name. Speaking of which, what...

...in blue blazes is a 'Phlogistician'?

I'm glad you asked that. The word derives from 'Phlogiston', which, as I'm sure you know, is the name given to the substance which alchemists believed was given off during combustion. Combustion frequently involves flames and so does this site. There are some here who are always well-mannered, clean-mouthed and scrupulously decent. There are others who like to use words as nail-studded cudgels and frequently do so. If you are thin-skinned, sensitive to verbal abuse, offended by foul language or distasteful opinions you probably won't have too much fun here. But then again, give it a chance. People have been known to develop a taste for our heterogenous blend of intelligence, imbecility and bastardly behaviour. If you 'phlog' enough you too may become a 'phlogger'. God help you.

...are the conventions and characteristics of the site?

It doesn't have that many. The basic style of the board dates from 1994, when it was first set up by Cybersight (now Nine Dots) and still seems to be pretty unique.

Unlike many other boards, you do not see the titles of every post in a thread, you only see replies at each level of the hierarchy; that is, you see the full text of one post at a time and beneath that only the titles of the replies made directly under that post. You can see if new posts have been added at any point on a thread by looking at the timestamp (EST) next to a title, which is updated each time anything is added at a lower level. This is not as inconvenient as it may initially seem and many of the regulars here will be happy to sing the praises of this format should you choose to criticise it. Somehow it seems to keep the individual pages more readable and also--for reasons we can't fully explain--to encourage lengthier postings than you tend to find on comparable sites. You'll soon get used to it.

Additionally, posts will automatically self-delete after two weeks of non-activity (see Note 1 below). This convention gives the phlog its ephemeral nature-and allows us to repeatedly address the same issues. Some of the more anal regulars tend to save posts and then trot them out months and even years later in a mean-spirited and highly effective attempt to defeat opponents.

There is one circumstance in which posts may be removed prior to their natural expiry date. This is when a post has been made which is, in the opinion of the administrator, primarily intended to prolong the life of a preceding post or thread beyond its natural lifespan. Such posts are generally referred to as "gratuitous dps", "dp" being an old Phlog abbreviation for "deletion prevention". Following widespread abuse of this practice the decision was made to remove such posts except in the case of the home pages, where there is a valid reason for dp-ing. The principle here is the one mentioned in the preceding paragraph: that Phlog posts should be ephemeral. When a post no longer generates sufficient interest to result in genuine responses, it should and will be allowed to expire.

Some of the things you'll come across which may need explanation are:

        (nc)

'No Content'. If you see these letters at the end of a post title it means exactly that. The post is just a   throwaway remark with no content. Of course, people sometimes lie about this and post content anyway, the irksome sods. You'll also see amusing (or not) variations on 'nc' that refer to the subject at hand such as '(no contraception)' in a discussion of Catholicism or '(numbskull creep)' in a discussion of any one of a number of characters on this site.

There is a long tradition of attempting to deceive on the Phlog. There have been many fake characters and personae--some dismal failures, some great successes. There are those who believe that there are only about six real people behind all the characters who have ever visited the site but this belief is clearly absurd. Ten would be a far more realistic figure.

Short for 'impersonators'. Imps are those who post using the handles and (perhaps) styles of others. It's probably fair to say that this is generally frowned upon but it goes on nevertheless and we've become used to it. You'll notice that Phlog posts do show the IP address of the poster and this provides some help in identifying imps, although with the proliferation of alternative IPs most people now tend to have access to this isn't the simple matter it used to be. Usually the style and/or intent of the imp gives it away. If you see a post by someone which seems surprising or out of character, take a quick look at the IP. It's probably an imp. Once you have verified this, play along and pretend to be taken in so that the hapless impersonated phlogger will be reduced to spluttering outrage and pitiable protestations of innocence which you, of course, will steadfastly refuse to believe.

From time to time you will notice some variation of 'Phlog Poll' as a topic on any number of the pages, but most often on Casual Talk. Very popular, these polls give phloggers the opportunity to talk about themselves, which most will do at length. The polls range from direct questions about who you'd vote most sexy or when you had your first orgasm to more complex philosophical questions about your favorite color and food.

'Old-timer' is a relative term on the phlog. It's difficult to say just whom this term applies to by simply looking at the length of time they've been posting. An old-timer is necessarily anyone who's ever been involved in the lifeblood of the phlog, and who has taken enough interest in the goings-on here to be able to spout off phlog history, which is as beneficial to real life as, say, memorizing baseball statistics or official state flowers. One could become an old-timer within a few months, or one could post here for years and still not attain the status. Old-timer status is more contingent on your involvement in the phlog's contests and dramas than on your tenure. Of course, there are some phloggers who haven't posted in ages who are still referred to as old-timers. These missing persons do show up from time to time, and are typically greeted with nostalgic affection.

Were things better in the old days? Of course they were. Ask any old-timer: they always were. Now shut up and go post something.

...was the Phlogistician's Corner created?

Some time back in 1994, although not initially under that name. Memories are long here but we doubt anyone can be sure of the precise date. There are a handful of old-timers still present who were around in those days but they are few in number. Silver is probably the one who goes back the furthest so if you ever want to be bored rigid hearing tales of the pre-categorisation days, he's the man. However, anyone who's been here longer than about three years is generally willing to wax nostalgic and tedious. In fact, it's something of a tradition, largely because it provides an excuse for more recent phloggers to flame the calloused, wizened hides off the oldtimers, as if they needed one.
 

Where?

... may I try a 'practice' post?

Typically, the topic page entitled The Corner  is used for 'test' posts. The original Phlogistician's Corner had a topic page entitled 'Newbies', but the page for some reason was not linked to the main Topic Page and remained hidden to all but a few who happened to stumble across it. Because the Newbie page was hidden The Corner, by some innate Newbie intuition, became the default page to 'test' the Phlog waters. It is no different here. While there is no rule that requires you to post your 'test' message(s) on The Corner, it is a courtesy that is appreciated by the regulars and will most likely get you off to a kinder, gentler start.
 

Who?

...should talk to if I have any complaints?

You may register your complaints and suggestions on the topic page entitled The Corner, detailing the precise nature of your grievance, providing evidence and references where possible. The first level of the grievance procedure is to completely ignore your complaint. Should you be dissatisfied with this course of action and feel sufficiently aggrieved to post further complaint we shall escalate the matter to the second level which will result in you receiving a grossly offensive reply which will probably cast vile aspersions about you, your family and anyone who looks like you. It may optionally include some snide remarks about your sexual prowess and the quality of your genetic material. Generally speaking, the communication will be resplendent with a plethora of creative abuse and utterly foul language. Any further complaints will be loudly advertised on Casual Talk so that all and sundry may heap contempt and contumely upon them. We confidently trust you will find this procedure satisfactory in all cases. We certainly do.

... in a quick poll of current Phloggers, were the five people most frequently singled out as being 'entertaining' or 'interesting'?

We refuse to answer this question. This isn't a popularity contest, you self-centered little brats. Go and put up a new poll on Casual Talk.

Why?

...no HTML?

The Phlog is, and always has been, about words, language and verbal expression. HTML-aided graphical whizzbangs and visual frippery often distract and detract from the words. We feel that content is king and the lack of HTML means that contributors concentrate more on what they are saying rather than whether it looks flashy. Really. No, we're not Luddites. We're linguaphiles and lovers of unadorned lexical lyricism.

Okay. Motivated? Then phlog...
 

   1. The post must be 14 days or older from its original 'post' date.
   2. The post must be the last post in a thread (no responses).

   If the above conditions are met, the post may be deleted by submitting an empty post (click 'Do It' with all forms empty of content).